1:56 am

my little plants are growing (basil, cilantro, lime)-- i can just barely see green.  i took them inside after my roommate suggested it and they're a lot happier in the living room than they were on the balcony.

i think my american studies adviser has faith in me, and i finally feel un-intimidated around him.  at first he seems like the typical "older Distinguished Professor who only has office hours on friday and keeps his guard up", but he's really just super into learning and reading and asking questions (he's a philosopher so i guess that's his job).  my honors adviser is like the sweetest lady ever, and she's very conscious about what she says/who her actions affect.  i don't know my english adviser too well, but he handles my nervousness and rambling well.  i think he might be laughing at me sometimes.  i thought he was a nervous person too 'cause he is always clasping his hands, but he's not.  maybe he outgrew nervousness.  how nervous can college make you once you have your PhD, anyway?

toledo gets a lot of hate but it's given me some good advisers so far

i still just wanna listen to music, make food, and watch TV all day though

it would be helpful if i could pay more attention to homework than i am paying to dancing to Grimes, but alas, i cannot.

i have not written a story-story in years

watching HGTV with an ice cube slowly melting on my tongue,
2 pages down, 10 to go.
or maybe 6 or 7
my professor will understand

in a month and a half i will be looking back at nights like this with deep nostalgia
i always do

2:45AM UPDATE:
IF YOU'RE LOOKING AT THIS 1.5 MONTHS FROM NOW, DON'T BE AN IDIOT:  THIS BLOWS.  WRITING STORIES SUCKS.  DO NOT DO IT.

getting closer to saying that i enjoy running (or whatever pathetic, out-of-breath jogging it is that i do)

when the corolla hit 100,000

friday, april 6, 2012
2:49pm
on beech between manss and w. liberty
"down on the lower east side" by justin townes earle had just started playing.

2.5 hours left at work
30 minutes worth of work to do

well...

tonight is the night

i figure out my life

been on a pretty heavy justin townes earle kick

This ain't no haunting.
And though it's no ordinary hurt,
after all these years, you should know better, but you never learn.
...
So tuck your head back, close your eyes and take a long, deep breath.
You're gonna be alright, you just gotta learn to try to forget.

ideas and incentive

get off my lazy butt and apply for scholarships so i don't have to pay for textbooks, some rent and other living expenses, etc.

work as many hours as possible (which is 20 while school is in session so let's be real:  how is this not being done already?)

keep tuition + general fees scholarship

see all that extra money?  SPEND IT ON MUSIC/OTHER COOL THINGS GUILT-FREE

studying abroad kind of complicates this, as it is very expensive...but i guess i can start this the second half of junior year, right?

ugh hindsight is 20/20

i'll do it, i'll do it, get off my case